I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
