What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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