Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
