Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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