Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
