I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
