Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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