Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to sanitize my soul.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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