well I can't set my house on fire every night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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