On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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