She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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