My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize