I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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