I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
