I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
