I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
