When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
