Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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