Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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