ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
