My balls are so social today.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
