...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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