Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
