My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
