I'm lost and stupid without you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
