I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
