if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
