he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
