I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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