thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
