Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
