I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize