he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
cat food counts as protein by the way
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
