Banned from zoo.
Again?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
