loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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