you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
