i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are we in a gay sports bar?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
