If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
