That's intense
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
