maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
