How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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