he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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