The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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