if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
