the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
