When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
