So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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