I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
