found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
