Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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