I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
