blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
