Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got inside last night via doggy door
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
