when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
