she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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