I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
