All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
