I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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