I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
