don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
