Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
