I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still dying that you shit outside
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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