Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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