He is an equal opportunity slut.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
