I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
