Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
