Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
