I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
