New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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