you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im holly from the hills drunk
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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